Looter Steals Goat, Returns it, Winds up in Critical Condition

08.29.20 | 2249 | Raymond Press | Speed Media

A looter in an undisclosed location becomes one of many looter casualties across the city. This time, an accidental bear trap on a previously looted property was blown in by Hurricane Laura. The thief jumped a tree, tripped on a downed wire and fell head-first into the trap. This pic will only be partially displayed due to graphic nature.

Image Credit: Raymond Press

A pool cleaning substance was under the looters brain matter causing the fingerprints of the bear traps owner to dissolve. The property owner has been alerted and is out of town. The owner has never seen the bear trap and though concerned for the looter, is glad that his Goat did not find the trap first. The goat was initially stolen from the property, but later returned to the property after climbing on top of the looters car and cracking the windshield. The looter returned the goat leaving a letter on the windshield.

Police would not release the letter due to impending legal proceeding, however the letter was posted on the owners Snapchat. It reads

“Yore Gote is a fuckin ass (not donkey) dont want the sumbitch take it its deemon spawn PS fuck yore gote”

Raymond Press acquired a statement from the owners neighbor.

“Why would they steal a goat and fall in a bear-trap? This is counterintuitive. The slightest bit of research would indicate that goats require extensive care and adequate fencing. You can not just go willy-nilly stealing goats after a Cat 4 hurricane and expect them not to climb. A simple puddle would trigger a goats PTSD and cause them to seek higher altitudes. Goats are very intellectual.

Police ask people not to loot. We can all agree that it is hazerdous.

Tod Schpelling

Raymond Press

JJ Duggar

Chief Editor

Speed Trap Press

082920 | 22.49